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Friday, October 31, 2008

Joe-the Plumber-Wurzelbacher Becomes a Rising Republican Headliner

                               News Flash!!!!!!! Breaking News!!!!!!! 

Joe-the plumber--Wurzelbacher was a the latest Roveian creation! He was planted as a plunger toting insurgent paid to approach Barack Obama during his Springfield Township, Ohio rally. 

The McCain campaign strategists dug up Joe to stand in front of his own house (Sarah Palin can see it from  Alaska) and wait for Barack to walk past so he could approach him with some questions given him by the McCain campaign people. The McCain campaign had it arranged to have their insiders standing ready with video cameras in hand so as to capture this critical verbal exchange. 

Once that occurred, McCain used the plunger probing prop, Joe, as a stooge tool to exploit the presidential debate he and Barack had at Hofstra University. 

What a strategy! What a brilliant move by Underdog McCain.

When criminals in this world appear, and break the laws that they should fear, and frightened all who see or hear, the cry goes up both far and near for......Underdog! Underdog! Underdog! 

Speed of lightening! Roar of thunder! Fighting all who rob and plunder or pretend to be a plumber. Underdog will soon appear. Underdog is now here! Underdog has come be clear! Underdog is now here! The Republicans should no longer tear. Barack is the one who should now fear---the Underdog! 

But now, Joe gets his $150,000 make-over as a pay-off for risking his life and reputation, otherwise he was gonna spill the beans. And that's no joke!

So now, Sarah Palin totes him around as her Caribou Barbie trophy plumber man increasing Gee-Hi Joe's popularity. 

For all his hard-work, Joe got hooked up with a publicist. Gee-Hi Joe is trying to clamp down a book deal, or a record contract, or maybe, just maybe, a run for a seat on the Public Toilet Commission for the State of Ohio. Now that would be a babe magnet for a guy living a solitary life. He might get a State of Ohio car to drive around in to check out how the women's bathroom toilets are working. He could wait outside female restrooms, with his clipboard, and ask would be ladies as they exit just how well it all went for them while in there. Was there anything that he could help them with so their stay would be more pleasurable.

If Joe-man gets a record deal he could put a rap band together to sing his latest song. We at Eye-on-Washington have been leaked a few bars of it.

            My name is Joe the Plumber,
            I wish I could own a Hummer.

           John McCain set me up for a spot
           to confront that Illinois senator for whot?

           I do the job for the Republican man, 
           and I become a neo-con hero with lots of fans,

           The RNC will hook me up,
           so I'll no longer bust my hump.

Wow, this guy is on to something! He's got a future ahead of him, although I am not sure exactly what it might be.

We have been told that the book deal could be 6 figures. Incredible for a guy who is not a real plumber or with any formal writing experience, except, maybe, lining up the letters on his spoon while eating alphabet soup for lunch in-between jobs.

We have been told that the book might be titled, "1001 Ways To Reuse Bath Water." That's cool. A real environmentally conscious book, although I am not sure if it is fiction or non-fiction.

It appears he is rising to the surface like a buoyant poop. When asked a political question, now that he is Sarah Palin's sidekick, and seen as the new Republican guru, he was quick to respond. For example, when asked if taking a hatchet to government programs was like using a plunger to unclog a stuffed up pipe, he answered by saying "I never thought of it that way before. Yeah! That's the ticket." The swooning crowd of idiot-worshippers chanted, "You da man, Joe."

Just maybe, we will see the RNC hire him on as chief operative for the newly established 21st century White House Plumber's Undercover Burglary Unit. "Hey man, your secretary called a plumber? I hear you're all backed up." 

Joe'll get somethin' for all his efforts as a card carrying snake used to unclog McCain's stuffed-up campaign.

Thanks for reading, Jerry

POSTSCRIPT: To further detail how mentally lost McCain has become, an example can be outlined from an event that occurred just yesterday, 10-30-08, at a McCain rally. Secret Agent Man Joe was hauled out on stage with the Penguin, oh I mean McCain. As a crowd of Kool-Aid drinking supporters cheered, McCain actually introduced Gee-Hi Joe as "his hero". WHAT? His hero? Is this what McCain has fallen to? Did this decorated war hero, who spent 5 years in a POW camp, and experienced the horrors of war, death, and disfigurement actually call Joe Wurzelbacher, who lied about being a plumber, about his income, and his attempt to try and purchase the plumbing company from his boss, actually call Joe-the-faker his hero? WOW! This is McCain's Mission Accomplished-type moment. McCain has become so fallen, deluded, confused, inept, incompetent, imaginary that he had the gall to call out to the entire world that Secret Agent Joe the Plumber as his hero. How pathetic. How embarrassing. How shameful. Joe and Sarah have become his make-believe world. How can anyone ever respect this guy again. He stooped to the lowest point where he put Joe Wurzelbacher in the same category as our brave and selfless soldiers. McCain deserves nothing!!! He needs mental health services immediately.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Terrific spoof on the uselessness of Joe-the-plumber. McCain has displayed terrible judgement throughout this campaign. And to say that this big oaf is his hero is nothing shy of despicable. McCain is not capable of being president let alone run a viable campaign.