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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

President Obama’s Crackdown on Airport Security

It is being leaked by the TSA (Transportation Security Agency) that in the next several weeks a plan will be unveiled regarding passenger check-in procedures. They are projecting that this new plan will eliminate any confusion when identifying a potential jock strap, or thong-wearing bomb igniting terrorist. The agency feels these new changes will simplify check-in procedures, and the boarding process.

The new plan will be tested in only a few undisclosed airports around the country. It may actually be tried out in one or two foreign national airports, as well.

What air travelers will receive when they check their bags and receive their boarding passes will be a special tote. One similar to what one might get when they contribute to their local public television or radio station. Then they will proceed to a changing area near the check-in location. Once they enter the changing area, they will go into what looks like a department store changing room. It will have a mirror, a bench to sit on, some hooks and a suspended rack to attach the tote handles, so we can easily place our clothing items inside it with as little effort as possible. Oh, how I love how fun air travel can be!!

All passengers will be required to remove all their clothing and put on what looks like a hospital gown. They will be allowed to keep their undergarments on, as well as socks. Over their feet they will be told to put on scrubs-like booties over their socks. Then they will place their tote filled with their clothing items onto an x-ray conveyor belt for examination.

Next, all passengers will walk through the metal detector most often without a hitch, unless they personally contain metal body parts and joints. That will be easy to detect, anyway.

All passengers will then carry their tote bags, with their names and flight data attached to the bags not unlike a hospital wrist ID. How fun!!! Everyone will look the same!!! Every traveler, no matter how rich or poor, will all look the same except for fashion eye wear, and hair styles. It will be like wearing a uniform to school. How cool.

Once you get to the boarding area, all totes will be placed into a hamper, which will be loaded onto the plane. How much safer can it get? Fly the friendly skies with Obama! Now that is a great slogan.

President Obama, in just a matter of days has taken a failed Bush administration process, and made it successful!!! President Obama did not waste a second removing the Jihadi terror threat from our soil. Now, if only he had taken such swift and dynamic action to remove the financial and economic terror threat presented to us by those inside Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, JPMorgan Chase, and the rest, then the country would be in a much better way.

Unfortunately, our president does not see a financial and economic terror threat inside the United States, but on the contrary, appears to have felt that the mega-bankers have been victimized by hapless Americans who stupidly and foolishly fell for what was really supposed to a joke. You know, something like an April Fool’s joke where an unemployed person walks into a big bank, such as National City Bank of Pittsburgh, now defunct, and asks for a $200,000 loan to buy his Uncle John’s suburban home because Uncle John wants to buy a condo in South Miami beach, since he has been widowed for around 10 years and understands that there are lots of silver-haired single ladies waiting for Uncle John types to move in next door.

What he could look forward to is being asked to homemade dinners, such as lasagna, or pirogues, or tofu stews. He is not a very picky eater. Such a life actually sounds great to Uncle John, so he offers his nephew, the unemployed auto salesman, a chance to buy his nice Ryan home.

So, when the nephew walks into National City and is told to just sign on the dotted line and he can get a mortgage loan for 30 years with a ballooning interest rate, he says to the banker how much he loves balloons and will happily sign. Unfortunately, the nephew did not realize that the balloons he was told about are not the same ones that were used to decorate the auto show room. It was a joke, dude. Just a joke.

Oh well. President Obama thought it was funny when he was just a freshman senator from Illinois. Well, he was told to laugh by the Democratic leadership. They said, “Barack, just laugh when we say so.” And he did. But now, he is not laughing because the mega-bankers like Mr. Lordie Lordie Blankfein ended up with lots of bad mortgage loans that really weren’t supposed to be on his balance sheets. He and his banker pals wanted to make the joke last a real long time so they decided to wrap all the good, the bad and the ugly mortgage loans into what might look like a Taco Bell burrito filled with beef, cheese, beans, lettuce, and maybe poison green onions. HA, HA!

They these funny bankers sold off all the slices of these burritos, since they told other rich guys around the world how good they tasted. It was a joke, man. Don’t be so stupid as to eat those slices, or tranches as they were called in the business. The bankers thought their joke was so funny, they decided to bet that their customers would get sick and die.

But what happened was that these bankers, themselves got toxic poisoning, and were vomiting and pooping for many, many months. They got so sick that they called Little Boy Bush, Hankie the Pankie Paulson, and Bennie the Beard Bernanke to ask for a Public Option to be issued by Congress to the tune of $700 billion so they could get some sort of universal health care, no I mean universal financial care paid for by the public, who ended up with the joke crashing down on them to the tune of $12 trillion.

Boy, how could our hapless and dump fellow citizens fall for such a joke? But, President Obama was more concerned with the excessive vomiting and diarrhea of the bankers and did not want them to suffer very much, so he offered them an endless amount of Obama Care.

So, what we have now are very rich and cared for bankers, fat and happy with the social programs they were given. Maybe in 2010 the rest of us can get some Obama Care, but I doubt it.

Thanks for reading, jerry